Perspective and Acceptance

I've been getting asked a lot lately, Lili, why haven't you written any posts on your blog?  Well, it's been since September since I have typed up anything worth reading.  But I've had a lot to say.  I think I needed to focus my thoughts back into this project.  I had this nagging thought, the thought that maybe I was exposing TOO much of my life on such a public forum.  Exposing my feelings, my fears, my dark secrets about how I dealt with the "Big A".  And for a second I thought that maybe I'd regret sharing so much of our personal lives with whomever reads my blog and I felt a fear of being judged.  But after some time, I remembered WHY I began this project.  I started writing this all down so that I could let that skeleton out of the closet.  I was getting tired of feeling like all eyes were on us, because when something makes you stand out, as autism has done with our family, you feel as if the world is scrutinizing your every move.  Why does your kid flap his hands?  Why does your kid not talk?  Why does he make awkward noises?  Why does he walk on his toes?  Why isn't he potty trained?  You must not talk to him enough, that's why he doesn't communicate the way he should.  You're either not trying hard enough, investing enough time or money on toys, therapies, special diets, powders or pills...all in an effort to make him seem more "normal".  I'm not too sure that I like "normal" anymore.  I have two other "neuro-typical" boys whom I adore, but even they get bored when Emilio isn't around.  He's the life of the party!

 

 

This nagging thought, the thought that led me to believe that my family was living in a fish bowl, that everyone was watching and judging...I don't really think that's particular to my situation.  I'm sure many people outside the autism community must feel like that sometimes.  But I've been actively working on minding my own business and letting people think what they will.  I'm an autism-mommy warrior, and I'll tell you all there is to know about Emilio and his diagnosis if you're willing to listen, but I can't spend any time worrying about what people think.  Emilio is different than any typical kid, I know that!  But he's freakin AMAZING!  He makes funny faces, he pretends he's an active participant in a conversation by making word like noises (kind of sounds like my Catholic mother when she's praying lol) which I think is HILARIOUS!  He's loving, honest, playful, and really, really adorable.

 

 

This really eye-opening, life changing thing happened recently.  I noticed that when I began to ACCEPT all the quirks that come with this little ball of fire we call Emilio, everyone around me began to do the same.  We were out to breakfast one Saturday morning, I packed Emilio some little die cast cars, his Ipad, and made sure the salt shaker was near by.  He loves the salt shaker like Paula Deen loves butter :)  and in typical Emilio style, he flipped the little car over and spun it on it's roof.  That's his thing, watching things spin.  He checks the "spinability" of everything!  My husband took one of the die cast cars and said "look Emilio" and flipped it on it's roof and spun it too.  This was a "one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind" kind of moment. 

 

 

 

In the attempt and desire to make your kid behave as "normal" as possible we would have typically flipped the car back onto its wheels and made "vroom-vroom" noises as it traveled through imaginary peaks and valleys.  But my husband didn't...he didn't try to change or modify his behavior (could you tell we are trained in ABA lingo).  Instead he just accepted that Emilio gets a thrill of watching things spin and he joined in on the fun.  He became part of Emilio's world instead of trying to make him fit into our little box of what's acceptable or "normal" behavior.  That little act which might have gone unnoticed by anyone else almost made me cry.

 

 

Instead of feeling like we were in a fish bowl I changed my perspective on the way I viewed things, people, and situations.  Instead of a fish bowl I changed it into a magnifying glass.  I was watching the world and looking for opportunities to rejoice and celebrate.  It wasn't very long before I found my next eye opening moment.  I went over to my parent's house for a visit, they live about 2 miles away and I spend a lot of time there on the weekends just hanging out and enjoying each other's company.  When we got there, Emilio found a bottle cap on the floor and was busy checking its "spinability".  My dad, the Harley Davidson riding, leather wearing, mustache and earring sporting, "tough guy" type got down on the floor and spun the bottle cap too!!! That immediately sent Emilio into hysteria.  His laugh was so contagious that everyone came to see what the heck was so funny and just started laughing at the fact that this bottle cap could bring so much amusement to this kid! 

 

 

It was the most awesome thing I have ever seen the two of them do.  Perspective AND Acceptance is everything.

 Paula Deen might not agree :)