God doesn't give you what you can't handle.

I don't think there's much else that USED to get me more upset than hearing those words.  "God doesn't give you what you can't handle".  To an ASD mom like myself, that translated into 'better you than me'. But by far my most favorite thing anyone has said is "having a child with autism is a privilege".  I can guarantee the person who said that has only met an autistic kid in passing but has never actually had the "pleasure" to know one.  And it's true what they say, if you know ONE person with autism, you know ONE person with autism.  They are all so different!  None of them have the same personalities, the same abilities (or disabilities), the same characteristics, that's why it's called a spectrum! 

In my case, Emilio has classic/moderate autism.  Initially he was diagnosed as having PDD-NOS (Pervasive Developmental Delay-Not Otherwise Specified) because he is very friendly, makes great eye contact, and interacts pretty well with familiar adults.  However he is non verbal, he flaps his hands, often walks on his toes, has a gait walk, spins things, doesn't play appropriately with toys, doesn't demonstrate imaginative play, is obsessive with water, acts compulsively, NEVER sleeps through the night, has ZERO stranger danger and will WILLINGLY go with anyone, anywhere, has no fear of deep water, has no fear of anything really including moving cars, spiders, dogs...etc, etc. (to the mother that said that having a child with autism is a privilege, look at all the amazing things autism causes!)

The VERY first thing that comes out of someones mouth when I tell them Emilio has autism is "wow, I couldn't tell.  But he's so cute!"  And the same thought always comes in my head.  What were  you expecting?  Or what did you think an autistic kid looked like? 

I know people mean well, and honestly I just don't think they know enough about autism to have what I consider a "proper" reaction.  I do it myself sometimes.  Last month at Emilio's physical therapy, a woman came in with the most beautiful baby girl who had Downs Syndrome.  I said "oh my gosh she is so beautiful!  If I ever have a daughter I'd want her to look just like that!".  Then once the words escaped my mouth I thought !FACEPALM!  What did I mean by that?  That I want my imaginary future daughter to have Downs Syndrome?  And I know the mother caught my blunder because she said "Oh (big pause) um, thank you".

Lesson learned:  keep it simple, stupid.  A genuine "wow she's cute!" would have sufficed in that situation. 

I know some of you might think, well now you're over thinking it.  Perhaps I am.  But since being given a "special needs" child I am now more AWARE.  It's that awakening I talked about on my second blog entry you can read here. 

I am now much more aware of the underdog.  I am a thousand times more compassionate.  I'm a BILLION times more patient.  And all because "God doesn't give you what you can't handle".

Now the only thing that comes to mind when someone says that to me is "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  2 Cor 12:9.

My aim in this blog was not to get all religious and bible-y.  But aside from therapy and friends that lend a good ear and an outside looking in perspective, accepting autism can be accredited to my spiritual connection to The Creator.  The combination of the three have helped IMMENSELY.  Being able to talk about it in such an open fashion was goal numero uno.  So thank you for allowing me to accomplish that.  Goal number two was to help someone else, perhaps somoeone that was recently diagnosed.  I somehow think that if I could help just ONE person though my experience then maybe a little bit of the hurt would subside. If I could raise awareness, educate one person, make someone slightly more compassionate towards special needs kids, maybe some of this weight would be lifted.  I guess we'll just have to wait and see.